Presentation: Camelia Stavarache is President of the Integrative Psychotherapy Association, Integrative Psychotherapy Trainer and Supervisor, specialized in Ericksonian and Clinical Hypnosis
THERAPHY OBJECTIVES AND DEFENCE MECHANISMS
The objectives of the therapy consisted in identifying the 5 defense mechanisms against shame:
1. Belief in the scenario
2. Collusive decisions
3. Defensive change of sadness and fear
4. Repressing anger
5. Fantasizing about future failures
The result of aggression and humiliation: Braduta convinces herself that she was stupid, that she was only saying inappropriate things, while others were a lot brighter than her. She took the decision of not talking, of not expressing her opinions, in accordance with her sister’s recommendations: “You shut up and do what I say”. The feeling of shame was taking shape as a result of tuning with the opinion that the mother had about her: “ it’s all your fault”. During therapy, the patient felt intensely the fear of her mother and of her beating threatenings. Even fantasizing about future failures functioned in this way: not to get too involved, not to speak, not to show her feelings for fear of finding herself in embarrassing situations.
Until the present moment of the therapeutic process, we haven’t been confronted with fear yet and a profound contact with sadness never appeared. My opinion is that Braduta still needs time to get in contact with her anger, an emotion she is not ready for yet. I must add that today she has a more mature and easy to hear voice.
I believe that before dealing with anger, it is extremely important to decommission the maternal model (mother-sister) which still generates too much fear, in such a way that she cannot allow herself to be mad on her aggressors. Another reason behind Braduta’s difficulty of getting in contact with her anger is that in her family there are some “secrets”. One of them concerns the paternity of the older sister. As we know, the secrets are part of the implicit memory and the unconscious connection Braduta made was of this type: if she were allowed to show her anger, she would have been abandoned as well. This was confirmed by her very few and rare fury bursts, that the patient saw as having a destructive potential.
Integrating the fear of being angry and the mother’s mistake of antemaritall pregnancy, permitted her to differentiate herself and trust in her knowing of what that emotion meant.
TRANSFER AND COUNTERTRANSFER ANALYSIS
The transfer’s analysis brought to light some aspects during our relationship.
At first, Braduta projected in me all the persecutions and parental criticisms. Her silence, her denials and her confusion represented the fixation of the blocked and scared Child. With time, she noticed that her vulnerability has been respected and the transfer turned into expectations of nurturing and protection. Of course, this process is not finished yet, and even though Braduta decontaminated a good part of her Adult, there are still areas with a fixation on the Child. Her introjection is a Critical Parent with destructive potential on one side, and negligent on the other side. A terrified and neglected Child responds to all these, a Child whose fixations lead to his unfulfilled relational needs.
Acknowledging the degree of my countertransfer, made out of sympathy, affection and sensitivity for a woman that looked like a scared and neglected child, helped me develop – an important aspect for getting in contact with the patient’s feelings. Nonetheless, the counterstransfer made possible the identification of the unsatisfied relational needs. Through auto-analysis, I paid a special attention to our relational safety, in order to understand what was important to be done or said, for Braduta to feel safe, without feeling frustrated or that her safety needs are in any way ignored. Practically, all her relational needs were accomplished, especially the need of being accepted, of validation, of self-defining and of impact. Braduta was able to recognize her unfulfilled needs and could experiment the pleasure of one-to-one relation, from equal positions, with the same importance and presence, only with different needs from time to time.
She was able to experiment the feeling of having someone to trust in, someone to turn to – which was actually valuing. Braduta understood that she was not invisible, that she will not be attacked and that, in fact, the need of impact solicits the other to take care of her needs. She learned that it is normal and acceptable to be different from the rest, to have thoughts, feeling and different behaviors, without being rejected or attacked.
After approximately a year of individual therapy, Braduta joined a therapy group – marathon type – that took place in Comarnic and lasted for two weeks. During the first two days, Braduta spoke very little, worked alone during the communitarian labor and didn’t’ t interact with the other members of the group. I thought she needed time in order to feel safe and I respected this type of interaction that followed her rhythm. Later on, I realized that she was actually waiting for me to express my initiative, to invite hr to say something, to ask her about her feelings about the group meeting. When I asked for her feedback, she confirmed that I had correctly identified her problem. Her reaction: her face was all lit up and she started, although shyly, to speak. I frequently express my need of initiative and I do tell her – when it actually happens – that I thinks about her problems and about solutions in between our therapy sessions. For Braduta, knowing that someone thinks of her is a new experience, if we have in mind the lack of care she endured from the ones who were supposed to take care of her.
